My Secret HRT

My Secret HRT

I’m not an over sharer

In fact, I’m not much of a sharer at all. I haven’t yet worked out if this is a good thing or a bad thing but I’m finding in my quest to support other women through their own womanly challenges I feel the need to share more. I can’t very well support you if I’m pretending everything is rosy with me now can I?

It will therefore come as a surprise to many, everyone really, that in March 2016 aged 41 years and 11 months I had my last ever, real period (male readers don’t run away yet, this article may help you understand the beautiful females in your life)


I’d been having little hot flushes for a few months but didn’t really pay any attention, my moods I guess were a little erratic but nothing new there, my periods had been arriving full force in a Kill Bill styley and I thought I might likely be diagnosed as peri menopausal but absolutely nothing could have  prepared me for my visit to the doctor

I waited 3 months from March 2016 before visiting the doctor, I still hadn’t had a period so was building up to hear the news that I was likely heading slowly into peri menopause. A doctor visit later, a few questions and a blood test revealed I was done. That was it. No eggs. No peri menopause. No warning. No slow transition into menopause. Done

Woahhh, wait, slow down, I’m not ready for this, maybe I wanted another baby, maybe I needed some warning, maybe, maybe, maybe. Coming to terms with this news was absolutely crushing me and I mean crushing in the sense of a bus landing on your chest but my doctor didn’t seem overly concerned with the psychological aspects of this news and immediately started discussing Hormone Replacement Therapy as apparently premature or early menopause is not a good thing. Ha, you’re telling me! She armed me with some info and a website to have a nosy at called Menopause Matters, I tried but found it difficult to relate to all the “normal” or standard menopause stories and I didn’t understand all the HRT info and the bits I did understand scared the bejeezus out of me, so I stopped reading and decided to go with my gut. My funny wee gut came to the conclusion, you’re 42, you can’t be menopausal, take the tabs and pretend you’re not. Simple

Nope. Not simple. The last 2 years have been absolutely bonkers. I’m bonkers. My world is bonkers. My body is bonkers. My head is bonkers but, hallelujah, I finally feel I’m coming to some kind of peace with my bonkersness

The menopause aged 42 is incredibly devastating , I felt alone, separated and segregated from my peers who still had eggs, crushed emotionally every time I heard of a new pregnancy, buried deep in a pretence that this was not happening to me. It has taken me 2 years to try and make sense of what has happened. I woke up this morning and knew I had to write this. The final stage in accepting its happened. Telling people

Now that we’ve got the sad story out the way, I’m gifting you my list of things you need to know, things that might happen to you, things that you may experience mentally and physically, things that happen with HRT. Cause I gotta tell you my fellow females you are 100% not prepared and the websites give you crappy list upon list of symptoms that are so mehhh and contain so many indications that you’ll be scared to read them and maybe worse believe that you have them all. Every one of us is unique and I don’t expect your experience will be identical to mine but let me share from my heart in an honest way now that I’ve stopped pretending.

If you are in the “normal” menopausal age range (average is 51) you might prefer to sail through without the tabs (I recommend this) but as I’m early menopause there are risks attached to me not taking the tabs. The following information contains no medical background and is simply my experience of HRT and living in the mind and body of a bonkers menopausal woman


  • Once you’ve made the decision to go ahead with HRT remember you can always change your mind. Your doctor is there to help and guide you. Ask questions, tell them how you feel. There are over 50 different types of HRT so it may be that you might have to try a few. My doctor has been good, especially when I’m bawling my eyes out or wailing that I can’t explain how I feel and most recently she was very understanding when I told her I’m happy to stay on this HRT cause I’m worried if I stop my boobs will shrivel up like a couple of balloons that have been let down
  • You will wake up one day feeling like you can run a marathon
  • You will wake up the next feeling like you ran that marathon
  • You didn’t run in any marathon
  • If you take the combined HRT this will fool your wee uterus into thinking you’ve still got eggs meaning every 28 days you have a fake period. You will NEVER get over the unfairness of having a fake period every 28 days cause surely the ONLY benefit of menopause is that they stop
  • Fake periods are horrible
  • When taking HRT you must become accustomed to living your life on the edge. Sorry let me rephrase that – When taking HRT the people around you must become accustomed to living life on the edge
  • The Mood Swings. Ahh The Mood Swings. I’ll leave it at that
  • Your life becomes a 28 day cycle. Write in a mood diary when you feel at your worst cause it’s highly likely it’ll be the same days every month and hopefully those days don’t amount to 28
  • Show your loving partner and children this diary so they can be armed with hugs and chocolate or at least it gives them the option to leave the country for these days
  • You will wonder where your waist has gone
  • You will become fond of your constantly bloated belly
  • the last one is a lie but wishful thinking
  • You will be up, you will be down, you won’t know what you want, you will know what you want, you will have surges of power that make you feel unstoppable, you will want to hide under your duvet, you will laugh, you will cry, you will need support, you will need someone to understand you, you will long to have your youth back, you will be glad you’re older and wiser, you will eventually accept that you are OK no matter what

And there we have it. My wee story and my wee list. Without the support of my fella I’d have likely collapsed in a heap of self pity, waistless and old and I’d certainly have struggled way more than I have. He has taken time to understand me and he probably doesn’t even know how much he has lifted me through the last 2 years and I am forever grateful for his support and his love. If you feel you don’t have support or that nobody understands you please speak to someone close to you and let them know how you feel. I’m pretty terrible at this but I’m also aware of how much better you feel when you do share

I am here for you

Lots of Love

Kezia ❤



4 thoughts on “My Secret HRT”

  • Love this and thanks for sharing! Your writing is so relatable and honest ♥️
    Lots of it sounds familiar to me. Mostly the moods.
    Ok all the stuff about moods 🙈
    Sending love 😘

  • Thank you dear Kezia, I can relate to all of that! My moods etc etc are constantly up and down! I can walk out the room then walk back in a completely different mood! I thought my periods stopped 6 months ago+ suddenly last week they reappeared so I just don’t know what the he’ll is going on! Such a steep learning curve!
    But we’re all in this together!!!😩😩😂😂❤️

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